I won't deny I enjoyed being pregnant, but I also won't deny that I'm glad that the experience only lasts nine months. I loved carrying Jackson inside me, and feeling him grow, but there's no doubt I'm glad to have him here, on the other side of me. After the jump is what I miss and what I don't miss about being pregnant, and a little on my thoughts, now we're on the other side of the pregnancy. What I miss about being pregnant:
- Rolling over in the morning and feeling Jackson move inside me. Jesse would spoon me and put his arm over my belly to feel Jackson squirming. It was so beautiful and peaceful! Our mornings to date have been... less so.
- Having an excuse for my belly to not be flat :)
- My boobies being for display purposes only
- Sleeping through the night
- Knowing that Jackson was fully protected by my body
- Feeling warm all the time
- Jackson's head in my ribs (ouch!)
- Taking forever to get up the stairs
- Having to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night
- The awful rash
- Not being able to truly share Jackson with Jesse
For now, Jackson falls asleep at the breast, which I'm concerned about, because I don't want it to become a crutch. He also loves to be held, and really gets very fussy about being put down. I don't want him to be like that three months from now, when he's 20lbs!
Jesse keeps telling me (and I keep telling myself) that it's too soon! I'm worried about nothing yet... but it's hard when for the majority of your life you've created patterns and structures because chaos makes you feel unnerved (to say the least) and then you welcome a baby into your life, which is absolute chaos! I thought I was prepared... And while I will say that most of what's going on is pretty much what I expected, it makes it no less challenging!
All you mommas out there who read this blog - can you tell me a little bit about your first month? I have no idea what "normal" is... I'd love to know how you guys got through it, and if what I'm obsessing about is completely ridiculous!
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3 comments:
Hi Nikki,
I wrote the following paragraph (part of a longer blog) when Elizabeth was one month old. Reading it now is like hearing a different person. The first three months of a baby's life are intense and unpredictable. Do the best you can and don't worry about holding him too much or creating bad habits. He's too little to manipulate you (that comes later with toddler-hood!) As a fellow type A, I feel your pain. Take a deep breath and enjoy as much as you can; this "fourth trimester" will pass and you will be able to set up more structure soon.
"The hardest part of the SAHM transition has been, for me at least, losing my routines and coping with a lack of adult conversation. Before having the baby, I was a teacher. Being a teacher means establishing rules and routines, following a bell schedule and all the flexible predictability of the school day. I thrive on this kind of variety within routine. Being home with the baby... well, let me tell you, babies (at least newborns!) don't believe in routine. My daughter believes in three things: eat, sleep, and poop. She loves to eat. This makes her sleepy. While sleeping, she invariably poops - this wakes her up and the cycle begins anew. Sounds like a routine, I guess, except you can't predict how long each part will take at any given time. So the first rule I've learned about staying home is that I need an entirely new way of structuring my life. Yikes."
the first few months with your first baby are tough, but i promise it gets better! i am sure you have heard the advice "sleep when the baby sleeps" that is easier said then done. the sleep deprivation will eventually go away, just not soon enough! do what you think is best for the baby, you will not break him or mess him up by holding him too much. ( my advice might be bad because i was and still am the kind of mom that cannot let her kids cry, i could never put them in the crib and "cry it out" so poor shawn sleep with the babies on his chest for YEARS! )
just relax and do what works for you. enjoy the time while he is small and wants to held!
I meant to reply to this last week, but forgot. I am the same way...I thrive on schedules and routine. I had a REALLY hard time adjusting to not having one with a newborn. It takes awhile (it took me a good 2-3 months), but you will be on a "new" routine/schedule of some sorts and you'll find your way. It is all an adjustment. Just enjoy being home and holding your baby. They grow up WAY too fast.
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